I’ve been going to jiu jitsu consistently now for a few weeks. It’s been a struggle to make myself go but after class I feel great. I feel more confident. I also feel bruised and sore, but that feels good too.
It’s all going according to the plan, it’s hard and I’m still taking it. Only, now I’m conflicted because I want to change things up. It looks a little like quitting to me which makes me uncomfortable.
I want to find a beginner’s course. Almost everyone in my class has several years experience on me and I feel that lack of knowledge. What concerns me was that last week we were working on throws and I’ve never really been drilled on falling correctly. My partner was very conscientious but I still had a few rough falls.
After that I started to think that maybe there’s a better class for someone like me. Like I said before, it feels like I might be quitting, which is not what I wanted out of all of this. But, as someone pointed out, I know a lot more about jiu jitsu and what I want out of it now that I’ve taken some.
The entire point was to go outside my comfort zone and challenge myself. Maybe the next level of discomfort is facing the fear of disappointing my teachers and myself. I like jiu jitsu, I like how it makes me feel, and I hope that this isn’t just me trying to talk myself out of taking classes. If I’m really just lying to myself to get out of this I’m going to be pretty sad.