The 3 Three Musketeer Movies on Netflix

#3. Mickey, Donald, Goofy: The Three Musketeers

I suspect this was a straight to DVD style movie. The narrator of the trailer is emphatic that this is only on Disney DVD and video. It sounds like they’re trying to spin this as a selling point.

The wikipedia article on this movie has a plot summary that’s way too detailed, luckily no one seems to care enough to come and fix it. From what I can tell this movie has only the loosest of connections to the actual Three Musketeers story, which I guess isn’t surprising. Mickey, Donald, and Goofy meet the “real” Three Musketeers (D’Artagnan, Athos, Aramis, and Porthos) who inspire them to become Musketeers.

The premise of the movie si that the original Musketeers save the three protagonists from being robbed. Since the three protagonists are street urchins, you can understand that in reality they would not even merit a comment in the original novel. Our four original heroes aren’t even aware of the downtrodden, despite being below the poverty line themselves.

#2. Musketeers Forever

Three modern Musketeers, who are ex-secret agents, and D’Artagnan, son of one of their lost members, battle drug dealers to save a Native American Reservation. It’s an ever increasing crescendo of violence, love, and death. I think I watched either some or all of this movie and it’s awful.

I really doubt that the makers of the movie even read the original novel. This movie first posits that the three Musketeers are old retired secret agents, and that D’Artagnan is the son of one of their friends. Which, yeah, D’Artagnan was the youngest but the age discrepancy is a random change. Also, it’s set in the USA and they’re fighting to save a Reservation which… ok. Like, in the novel at least more than 25% of the novel is about them trying to recover some diamonds for the Queen of France.

All of these movies seem to be based on the assumption that the Musketeers are heroes, which they really aren’t.

#1. Revenge of the Musketeers

What’s exceptional about this movie is that it’s actually a French movie. I haven’t heard of too many French productions based on the Three Musketeers. There’s a BBC show for example, and numerous Disney movies too, but not a lot of French stuff.

So the daughter of D’Artagnan teams up with Porthos and Aramis (Athos is dead) to stop a plot to overthrow the king of France. And… you know what’s weird? There already is a story about old Musketeers, it’s called Twenty Years After. Actually, there’s apparently a third novel which takes place 35 years after the first. But whatever.

I don’t know, this seems pretty uninteresting to me. I should probably watch it but I’m not really interested in a non-scumbag D’Artagnan, and I don’t believe he’d really care about having a daughter (which I’m like 95% sure he didn’t). It’s weird to me that there seems to be a thing about the child of a Musketeer getting the band back together. It’s not really in the novel, though getting the band back together is a reoccurring motif in the original novel.

My point is, don’t watch any of these. They all look terrible.

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