3 Random thoughts on the Three Musketeers (Spoilers)

#4. D’Artagnan’s Dad’s Advice

Go into Paris and stab as may people as possible, for two reasons: you’re my son and also you’re a Gascon.

#3. Gascons are the best fantasy race.

They can see in the dark like cats. They have terrible tempers. They are stubborn and never surrender. Also they stab people.

  • +2 DEXTERITY, -2 WISDOM, -2 INTELLIGENCE
  • Low-light Vision
  • +2 to Bluff skill
  • Favored Weapon: Knife

Seriously, the fact that D’Artagnan is a Gascon comes up often and Gascons start to be sort of like Time Lords in accumulation of weird abilities. Also, Picards come up a lot. Planchet, D’Artagnan’s servant, comes from Picardy and so Picards are also often mentioned.

#2. I’d read a book called The 4 Lackeys

Never really mentioned in the books are the awesome characters of the lackeys. Each lackey is kind of custom fitted for their master.

  • Grimaud – Athos’s lackey, known for his silence. Athos communicates with him with glances and gestures, and beats him when he incorrectly interprets his master’s instructions. He also beats him if he speaks, I’m pretty sure.
  • Planchet – D’Artagnan’s lackey. He’s basically kind of a cowardly D’Artagnan, but is quite loyal and clever. D’Artagnan treats him like garbage and their relationship really flourishes.
  • Mousqueton – Porthos’s lackey. He’s kind of awesome. The son of a man who alternately was a Catholic or a Huguenot, depending on who he was trying to rob. He raised one son a Catholic, and the other a Huguenot. When one day he was hung by a Catholic and a Huguenot, both having been robbed by him, the two sons hunted down the men and killed them. The Huguenot son killing the Catholic, and Mousqueton killed the Huguenot. He’s also great with a lasso.
  • Bazin – Aramis’s lackey. I’m pretty sure he’s old, nearly blind, and possibly deaf. All he wants is for Aramis to become a priest. He’s super pious and otherwise pretty worthless. Obviously he’s always miserable around Aramis, who keeps musketeering despite his promises to quit it.

#1. How they are monsters

  • Athos – Alcoholic and gambling addict. Also killed his wife (twice?).
  • Aramis – Basically murdered a man and was forced to flee. Complains about being a musketeer constantly, but really just wants to feel superior because of the whole plan to be a churchman.
  • Porthos – Is Porthos. Trust me. Cons old ladies out of their money, lies constantly, and is an idiot.
  • D’Artagnan – Basically meets the three musketeers, thinks, “These guys are people I can trust,” then spends the rest of the book trying to manipulate them to building his fortune.
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