BATMAN BATMAN YOU BETTER PUNCH SUPERMAN

Robocop. Robocop. Robocop.

I love Superman. I didn’t always love Superman, it was something I had to grow into, I think. When I was younger, I was into Batman. And it makes sense to me, since I was in to the dark and gritty GRIMDARK stories. I liked the moral ambiguity and the angst. I looked down on Superman as a stupid and terrible comic character.

Since then though I’ve made a complete 180 on things. One day I woke up and I loved Superman above all other superheroes. It’s hard to explain why beyond the fact that I’m tired of angst. I’m tired of haunted and dark heroes. At the end of the day Superman just became something I missed. Maybe that’s just adulthood catching up to me, but what Superman really reminds me of is when comics were fun. And I miss that fun.

This trailer doesn’t really promise much to me. It looks like it’s borrowing heavily from Frank Miller’s Dark Knight Returns, which is consistent with Zach Snyder’s track record. And while that was once among my favorite comics, now I’m just not interested. I’m not interested in watching Batman beat up on Superman for some probably dumb reasons.

Which is weird because one of my favorite Superman scenes is when Diner Man (Rocky) beats up Clark Kent in Superman 2.

Ben Affleck returns, coincidentally or ironically just around the time when a new Daredevil is just killing it on Netflix, to play FRANK MILLER GODDAMN BATMAN and… what? Seriously, what? Builds a robo-suit and fights Superman? Remember when superheroes fought supervillains? That’s really the problem I have with the upcoming Marvel Civil War. I have no interest in superheroes fighting superheroes anymore.

On top of it all it looks super serious. Like super. Serious. Guys, look how serious it’s going to be. It’s raining in that one scene. It’s the Nicolas Sparks of fight scenes. I don’t know what it is about DC but those guys hate fun. Fun probably killed DC’s parents in an alley one night and DC swore to take to the night to take revenge on all Fun everywhere.

Basically, I don’t ever need another Superman movie after Richard Donner’s cut of Superman 2.

One of the greatest sins of a team-up movie is to allow one character to eclipse another. The inherent flaw in a Superman team-up is that he’s Superman. He’s literally better than you in ever conceivable way. When you team up with him you get to watch him throw planets at bad guys. He might let you get some punches in, but he’s probably just protecting your ego. So in team ups they kind of tend to go too far the other way, where Superman is buried under a mountain of Kryptonite, while some Batman has to come in to save him.

I don’t know. I recognize that I might be drifting into old man curmudgeon territory, but I’m just not feeling it. And that’s ok, I can skip this one.

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