Oh Maggie, you came and brought me a zombie…

Oh Arnold, politics didn’t deserve you:

“Schwarzenegger is superb.” -says somebody who is clearly late to the party for his promotion to Captain Obvious

Well, obviously. I feel like movies failed Arnold, not the other way around. Seriously, scientists need to investigate the collapse of movie quality in action movies post-True Lies. I’ve got many friends who really like T3, so I’m not going to complain about that, but the rest seem like really forgettable stuff like The 6th Day, End of Days, and Collateral Damage. Personally, my suspicion is that people don’t recognize Arnold’s comedic genius, so he got some serious dark roles in some lame movies.

Also, his character’s name in End of Days was “Jericho Cane”.  That’s still better than “Cypher Raige” (looking at you, Will Smith) but it’s still pretty bad. Though, one could probably do the research and make a connection in continuity between Solomon Kane and Jericho Cane. You know, if you were into the Wold-Newton style thing. And if you knew what that is.

It looks like this is a zombie movie. There’s a weird parallel with Terminator … 5, 6? The Terminator is basically a zombie, right? And he’s protecting some girl. Maybe the connections are purely thematic. Sounds like the titular character, Maggie, is turning into a zombie and Arnold is Maggie’s Pop who has to go through the awful emotional journey of his daughter dying from post-apocalyptic fantasy cancer or something.

Sure. OK. I’m not into zombie movies anymore, I’m not sure if I was ever into them at all, but I’m open to this whole thing. I love feeling sad, so thanks Arnold. I’m also glad he’s back making movies.

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