My Roommate and Fast Five: A Tragedy

I was trying to convince my roommate to watch Fast Five, but he was pretty confident it was a terrible movie. Without really any evidence. This man, who loves True Lies, clearly has lost his way, because Fast Five is truly the heir to the kingdom of True Lies.

“We’ll do one last job, then disappear forever.”

Or until Fast Six. And Furious 7. Whatever, the point is did you see Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson in that trailer? I know I did.

“Wait a minute, Ramblog,” you say, erroneously assuming my name is Ramblog, “are you telling me that Vin Diesel and Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and that Asian guy from The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift made a movie?”

Yes, that is what I’m telling you. Cancel all your appointments.

I haven’t seen all The Fast and the Furious movies. In fact, I’ve only see three:

  1. The Fast and the Furious
  2. The Fast and the Furious: Tokyo Drift
  3. Fast Five

And you know what? Fast Five retroactively made me love all The Fast and the Furious movies and then cursed me to love all future The Fast and the Furious movies, the movie is a witch!

So do give you some scaling: in the first movie the characters are trying to rob a bank. Singular. One bank. Not even a super bank. By Fast Six they are trying to rob a nuclear weapon from super villains. This is what we call in literature character growth.

The best argument I have for watching this movie is also a simple one. The director is Justin Lin.

Who is Justin Lin?

Well, he directed a lot of The Fast and the Furious movies but his one big achievement, that bought my trust forever, was an episode of Community he directed called “Modern Warfare”.

Is that the first paint ball episode? Yes, yes it is.

Have you seen that episode? No, well then you don’t get the reference, do you?

That episode is one of the greatest action movies ever made.

So go watch it. Wait. Wait, hold the bus.

He’s directing Star Trek 3?! Awesome!

Anyway my original point is my roommate should watch Fast Five and he’s a monster for rejecting it out of hand. The end.

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