In Which I Fail to Convince my Roommate’s Girlfriend to Watch True Lies

I’ll have you know I’ve read a tome written by David Foster Wallace in which a man licks sweat and a woman cheats on her husband with a tennis player while dressed up as a cheerleader. That’s right, chumps, I have seen the end of Infinite Jest and the fields of those who died on their way to that summit. I know how it ends (spoiler: it doesn’t)!

That’s not related to True Lies but I just wanted to put that out there.

True Lies, my roommate declared, has one of the greatest scenes in cinema. It’s the scene where Harry gets doped with truth serum. It’s probably actually two great scenes, one where his wife interrogates him about being a spy.


Have you ever killed anyone?


Yeah, but they were all bad.

Followed by the scene where Harry clearly outlines his plan to kill his interrogator (again, truth serum).


First I’m going to use you as a human shield. Then I’m going to kill this guard over here with the Patterson trocar on the table. And then I was thinking about breaking your neck.


And what makes you think you can do all that?


You know my handcuffs?



[Harry holds up the handcuffs.]


I picked them.

Arnold is hilarious. Can we all agree on that? I’m going to assume you agree. If you haven’t watched this movie recently you’re probably trapped in some kind of nightmarish un-life where you’ll never feel the sunlight of joy ever again. It’s probably the best James Cameron movie.

Hold on, let me think that last statement through.

Terminator, Terminator 2, Aliens, Avatar, Titanic, The Abyss..,

Yep. True Lies is his best one. That might change once Avatar 2, Avatar 3, and Avatar 4 come out. Do you think I’m joking? Go check that out, this is your future.

So in conclusion if you’re my roommate’s girlfriend, it’s a great idea for you to watch this movie. It’s got Tom Arnold and Tia Carrera! They’re like Keanu Reeves and Patrick Swayze finally being in a movie together! Honestly, if that doesn’t convince you then I don’t know what could.


2 thoughts on “In Which I Fail to Convince my Roommate’s Girlfriend to Watch True Lies

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s